Posted on June 18, 2010 - by Hubba

I Guess You Ain’t My Constitchency

So a while back (early March, to be exact) I was at lunch at Frank Timmons’ place when a local politician showed up to get signatures on his petition to get on the ballot.  And I got an awful, terrible idea.

I guess I should back up a little.  The “Upland Trask” residence, as I used to call it, was and is a hotbed of politically interested people, railing against government corruption, greed, graft, and once during late ‘99, the end of the world.  I always postured myself as the levelheaded one, getting labeled a “compromiser” (I think after being called that, I had the right to challenge the accuser to a duel) on occasion.  While I was politically interested, and usually agreed with the rest of them on principle, I found it difficult to enjoy my coffee of a country mornin’ surrounded by red-faced people wildly gesticulating and having coronaries over some far-off foreign policy decision.  My position was, in short “if it’s not hiding under your chair, can we not worry about it today?”

I guess familiarity really does breed contempt.  Upon moving away from the people whose passions I had scorned, I began reading books.  And I am slowly becoming a political activist.  I don’t believe I’ll ever achieve the level of professional indignation that some of my relatives have, but I have certainly become alarmed with the state of things that I am willing to do my part to effect a change.

Which brings me back to my terrible idea.  I decided right there, that by gar, I just better run for election.  I cast about for an election to run in.  And my idea got worser and worser.  The Sheriff of Meade County was up for re-election this year.  And I had fifteen days to get in the election.

I got my nominating petitions, had friends help me fill them out, flew to Pierre and ran through a bunch of hoops and I was in the race for Sheriff.

Why did I run you ask?  Well that’s a good question, and a lot of people still don’t believe my answer.  The short answer is I did it to strengthen the Meade County Sheriff’s Department, and particularly the position of the Sheriff himself.  In the course of my reading, I came to the conclusion that the Sheriff of any county has a tremendous amount of authority, and is the people’s representative in the law enforcement community.  I would rather be at the mercy of a tyrannical Sheriff than a lenient Federal authority.  Our Sheriff has been in his office since 1990, which is no sin a’tall if we put him there every four years.  He has been opposed twice to my knowledge (okay thrice counting me) in that time.  And until I entered a horse, he was running unopposed this year.

I should make it very clear before I go any further that I never had and still don’t have anything against our Sheriff.  Because there were two weaknesses that I intended with my campaign to heal or ractify or close or whatever.  The first was a minor kerfuffle which happened last year and left a segment of the population disgruntled at the Sheriff’s Department.  While I knew several of the key players, I didn’t have a dog in the fight, but I thought the matter should be tried in the court of public opinion at least.  The second is the fact that we had all largely forgotten who the Sheriff was.  The Sheriff, as near as I can tell, is a very private man, and very modest about his own accomplishments.  Apparently, he is slightly overwhelmed by the public aspect of his duties.  I explained first to the Sheriff himself and then to one of the deputies, that while I would rather have a quiet hard working man as Sheriff than a do-nothing braggart, the fact remains that he is a public figure, a politician no less, and he needs to mingle to some degree, and when he does something right, it’s okay to point out that fact.

So armed with permission to run from the Secretary of State, the lofty sentiments above, and five brand new white shirts, I hit the campaign trail when I had the time.

I decided not to use HH as a forum for my campaign, which was a stroke of genius, because I got in enough trouble for things I didn’t write on here.  I also decided to be as gentlemanly as possible, and I think I succeeded.

My weakness in the campaign was my lack of law enforcement experience.  I countered this by pointing out that the Sheriff is the only law enforcement official we get to elect, and as such, a “layman” would in some ways be an ideal fit for the position.  I also pointed out that if elected, I would have to attend the Law Enforcement Training Academy.

Some may view the above as empty rhetoric, but I sincerely believed it and still do.  I am not saying that the Sheriff’s job would be easy, and law enforcement experience would certainly help, but an outside perspective could be helpful as well.  The people I met on the campaign trail, while not necessarily agreeing with me, did admit that they’d never thought of it that way.

So it was the age old battle between youth and idealism and maturity and experience.  He’s bald, but I’m balding, so I didn’t say anything about that either.

On the campaign trail I met lots of people, and lots of dogs.  The dogs, I found, are staunch advocates of private property rights.  I also met a guinea (Coco is female, and her mistress has had her for two months.)  Team Hubba attended the Piedmont Valley Volunteer Fire Department fundraiser, and the Hemp Hoedown, where we encountered enthusiatic but confused youngsters who alas were not from Meade County.

I also was overwhelmed by the support I got.  Donations, a sign painting party on Mother’s Day (my own mother attended,) help putting up signs, free meals, places to stay,  I lived like a guilty king for two and a half months.

We were both running as Republicans, so it was over at the primary, a fact which I was becoming exceedingly glad of.  When the smoke cleared, he was the undefeated champeen of Meade County, 67. something percent to 32. something percent.

So there it was.  I had made my contribution to American politics, and while local pundits say I carved a surprising niche of the voters, the Sheriff can say that he has a 67% approval rating, which I think is better than Obama and Congress put together.  So really everybody won.

Will I run again, you ask?  Well, I’ve been saying, I have to concentrate on not getting hit by a bus for the next four years, and then we’ll see what happens.

As I so often closed my stumping speeches with on the campaign trail- God Bless You, And God Bless America.

I’m just about a shoe-in for next time, huh?